10 Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend Back Home

• I think we should stay together.
• Talking to you on the phone, it sounds like you’ve gained weight.
• The women here have great asses, (Incredulous tone) like you wouldn’t believe.
• Can you send me porno? My mom has moral qualms with it.
• Do you feel bad about yourself because I doing something so much more important than you?
• I’m so glad I came here instead of staying with you in America. I’m having such a better time than I ever did with you.
• You may have turned me gay. Don’t tell my girlfriend here though.
• Do you think its wrong to marry someone when all they want is citizenship, just because they’ll sleep with you if you do it?
• Do you really think I give a shit that your mom is worried about me? It just makes me feel guilty because I never think about her.
• Here’s the address of my new blog.